Hacksaw Jim Duggan and my wrestling debut

You can call me The War-lord.

Waiting for effect with dramatic pause (read: line break). Nothing? Bueller?

Oh well.

This past Friday I got the opportunity to participate in a live action wrestling event when Big Time Wrestling came to my high school. As part of their stage show, their performers tried to hype our smallish audience with the type of banter that incites frustration from the younger kids who still want the "good guys" to win, and palpitations and mini-strokes from the faculty who must deal with the fallout from the curses and racial epithets blurted out by the cavalier superstars. The company ransacked their repertoire in search of the most creative matches they could muster for the tiny town of Northbridge. We received two tag team matches and a dog collar match. :/

I, however, was undeterred by the lack of creativity as it pertained to the matches, but was engrossed with Hacksaw Jim Duggan, a superstar from my childhood who stood larger than life in the ring, inciting cheers and the kind of mild hysteria you can only get from a wrestler 20 years past their prime.

I also got to participate in one of the matches: the dog collar match. The heel, Mister TA, and his manager, John Cena, Sr., came down to the ring and began to unfairly attack and gain advantage over The Hillbilly, Cousin Larry. At this point, becoming clearly frustrated, Larry declares he needed assistance from the likes of Jeff, a local "hero" whom he had met earlier that day at the local restaurant, Brian's.

While I wait for my royalties from Brian's for the free advertising I'll relay the remainder of the story.

I came down to the ring, pretended to become involved as much as possible, and ended up orchestrated (ahead of time of course) a win for the Hillbilly and clear vindication for the crowd who had just moments earlier seemed so upset about his impending loss.

Truth be told, the audience was actually more excited to see me by the stage than to see the match, and although I didn't do anything particularly special or warranting of applause, instill receive requests for autographs from several children. Ok, I said to them, I'll sign this for you, but I'd you stay in school you can have plenty of autographs from me all over your papers.

It was an awesome experience, and somewhat of a dream come true, although muted and on a much smaller scale obviously. I would do it again in a heartbeat, though, and it was great to meet one of my childhood heroes. The classes made a lot of money and overall I think everyone had a great time, even if some of them were upset by the fact that there weren't more big names in attendance.

As for my stardom, I think I'll stick to teaching and writing; I don't know d the world is ready for the War-Lors just yet.


But you never know.